Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Open Letter: Parents w/ Small Children

Lately, I've been ranting a lot on twitter . . . so I've decided to start a section here on the blog called "Open Letters: To Whom It May Concern" . . . This will expand beyond rants, of course. I plan to share other "Open Letters" to people/things that may be serious, funny, wacky, etc. Nothing is meant to offend, but if you're offended maybe you should take a step back and think about that, lol. We shall see! This first is a semi-serious a rant . . .

To Parents w/ small children:

What happens when I accidentally knee little Timmy Toddler in the face and tip over his buggy because his mommy thought it was okay to plow into my ankle and calf? I hope we never have to find that out. Pushing a stroller does not give you the right to bulldoze through crowds of people without uttering a simple "excuse me" or "pardon us." Not only are you using your child's stroller as a weapon but you are exposing your precious cargo to the possibolity of being toppled over or smacked by flailing limbs/packages! What are you thinking? Do you not care for your child's safety? Sure, I give strollers the right away whenever I can but don't push it! Literally.

Also, I do not need your little tike under my elbow while I'm shopping, eating at a restaurant, or at the register checking out. Seriously, for your child's safety, you need to keep a better eye and handle on them. I could be a freaking kidnapper . . . why are you letting them get so comfortable with a stranger!? Move their little behind before I have to say something because I will only speak to them once ("Excuse me, sweetie.") with my nice lady voice. After that, it's going to be stern and please do not come at me crazy because I have no problem going there with you in front of your child. You can explain to them what those words meant when you get home.

--the girl hit w/ a stroller and consequently fell into a sales associate and a display table and also almost smacked a little girl in the face with a shopping bag because she was under her elbow


  1. Dear small child hater...

    I'm really sorry about tapping your ankle with my stroller today, but you have no idea how much stress I was having. My little one had been shouting "I WANNA DO POO POO" at the top of his voice, thereby annoying everyone in hearing distance (about ½ mile) and embarrassing me. You can see now why I was in a hurry. I haven't had any sleep in 3 nights because of his diarrhoea. My hands are raw from washing soiled clothes and bedding. His diapers only last about 30 minutes before they leak over his stroller and then he puts it on his hands and wipes it on passers-by. Did you want to be one of those passers-by?

    Also, I'm sorry if he annoyed you while you were eating at the restaurant. You looked such a nice young lady that I thought he would be safe with you. All I wanted was 2 minutes to eat my burger. Seems you weren't such a nice lady after all! When I got home, I TRIED to explain the words you said/shouted, but he just wanted to know why you thought I was a mean lady dog, and why did you think he was a child who makes love to his mother?

    Best wishes,
    Distraught Mum.

    * * * * *only joking! lol * * * * *

  2. oh my goodness! That was hillarious, Robert! Your comment just made this post like 10 times better!

  3. LOL @ the reply.

    One thing that really gets under my skin is when parents walk way ahead of their small children! OMG!!!

  4. LOL! I've been on both sides of this issue. One thing I hate is when servers put a hot hot plate right in front of my baby. In fact, any plate in front of my baby. She's a BABY.


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